Diary of Truths
by Animegirl101100
Summary: It's all about Raven's journey into learning about what is in his heart.
1. Confused

**Chapter 1 – Confused**

I've always thought that the most important person in my life was Edgar.. my lord.

But lately after he brought Lydia-san into the manor, I can feel my heart tighten every time I see them together.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling or even why, all I know is that I feel hurt.

It appears that Edgar-sama is very fond of Lydia-san, that's not surprising for she is so beautiful and so very kind.

Yet Lydia-san seems to detest Edgar-sama..

Strangely enough, that alone makes my heart feel much more relaxed. What am I feeling? Will this last forever? I am not at all sure.

**TBC...**


	2. Thoughts

**Chapter 2 ****–** Thoughts

Sometimes I glance at Lydia-san from the corner of my eye, I see her smile and I blush.. This feels so odd.

I don't believe I know what to call this feeling, but just seeing her happy and smiling makes me feel so content.

Ah Edgar-sama.. Why is he going to her side? It seems as though she is gradually beginning to accept him by her side.

I don't like seeing this!

I felt my eyes flare up, Edgar-sama says that my eyes are coloured in an exquisite deep emerald green.. I begin to rush to her side.

"Ah Raven!" says Lydia cheerfully "How are you?" Oh I don't know how to deal with my feelings.. so I must repress them.

"I am fine Lydia-san how are you fairing?" I said in a quiet yet firm tone, I was quite impressed with myself for maintaining my composure so well.

"I'm doing well. Thank you for asking!" she said sweetly.

Every time I hear her speak to me I find myself thinking that she is wonderfully cute and sweet.

Her voice drips like honey into the pit of my soul, it's refreshing and calming. I wonder why I think of Lydia-san so much in such a manner.

I'm unsure of what this feeling entails.. yet I know that I am happy, at least for the current moment.

**TBC...**


	3. Epiphany

**Chapter 3 - Epiphany **

I see my lord and Lydia-san together laughing happily.

My heart tightens, I turn away and I can feel my eyes tighten in order to hold back my tears. Tears? Am I so sad that I would cry from only an image of two people that I care about laughing together? No, there must be a reason for my emotions acting out so oddly. Am I sad to see Edgar-sama getting along so well with someone other than myself? Or is it that I can hardly bear to see Lydia-san being so happy with another man?

Finally everything fell into place like a puzzle that had just been completed. I, Raven seem to be amazingly, engrossed with Lydia-san. It could be mere obsession but it is more likely that I like her. Maybe even love her, with a burning passion.

I slid down the wall that I had been leaning on. Suddenly, I found myself with my hands covering my eyes, my cheeks heated up probably red from embarrassment. I cannot believe it took me so long to realize my feelings. I know that I was deprived of love when I was growing up, because I was born with a sprite already within me. Though I did grow up normally… I feel so flushed.. I removed my hands from my eyes.

All of a sudden I see long, beautiful, caramel colored hair flow past me. Lydia-san was the first thing that I saw when I opened my eyes.

That must be a sign of some sort.

A little smile forms itself on my face. No more doubt or confusion. I know what I want. All that's left is for me to go grab it!

**TBC…**


	4. Reason

**Chapter 4 **–** Reason**

"Lydia-san!" I shout strongly. Lydia-san turns to face me. She has a sweet as sugar smile on her beautiful face. Ah this is the woman I love I thought to myself. "Yes, Raven?" she asked politely. I'm shocked and at a lack of words.. What was I thinking just shouting out to her like that! There is no way that I am going to profess my love to her so soon after I realized. Quickly without much thought I replied with "I was just wondering where you were going in such a hurry..." phew I saved myself with that. I think…

"Oh Edgar called me, I'm just heading over to help him out with a question he has about a mischievous little brownie. Cute little buggers don't you think so?" she responded. I nodded slightly. She then proceeded to laugh a little to herself. Was it at my reaction? Ah how can she be so cute? Lydia-san waved to me and said a quick farewell and began to run to Edgar-sama's side.

This is not good! She is hardly wary that I am a man! In a sudden burst of adrenaline, I rush to her side and tightly grab her hand. She freezes, then looks up at her captor. I am breathless and am hardly able to swallow the air going into my lungs, but I keep a firm hold on her hand. She looks at me in disbelief, probably thinking why is Raven holding me back? I need to get to Edgar! Just the thought of her thinking that while she's in my grasp troubles my heart immensely.

She began to try and shake me off and said to me calmly but with a hint of impatience, "Raven I'm in a hurry! I need to get to Edgar, you know how he can be when he doesn't have his way." After those words came into my head, everything happened so fast. "Well I suppose that he will just have to wait.." I said in a hushed tone of voice. It was a whisper that she could barely hear me.

"What Raven? I couldn't hear what you said." She asked quickly. Suddenly I couldn't hold back my emotions; I progressed to turning her around and picking her up in my arms. A smile scrawled over my face. I continued to hold her for a good five minutes, before I realized what I was doing. What I did not know at the time was that Lydia-san was blushing in a deeper shade of red than a rose.

**TBC…**


	5. Feelings

**Chapter 5 - Feelings**

Ah my Fairy Doctor, so lovely. I wonder how much more I care for her..than she cares for me… Lately when our eyes happen to lock on each other, Lydia-san turns away fast as a rabbit. How cute I think to myself. Edgar-sama, I am not betraying you, I am only following my heart. We are rivals. I will not give in to you master, I will try my hardest for Lydia-san.

_"Raven!"_ someone screamed out. I followed my instincts and ran quickly to my caller. It was Lydia-san, being held forcefully by Edgar-sama yet again. I felt my heart squeeze. Why could he so easily do what I couldn't? I quietly stood beside them with my head bowed, so I didn't have to fully see what was happening to Lydia-san; then I asked Edgar-sama to let go of her.

For fear that she would have to do something unbecoming of her beauty again, like she had to do in the train. Surprisingly enough, he let go easily. I could feel my eyebrow popping but I kept it under control to keep my princess safe.

_"Are you jealous Raven?"_ Edgar flatly asks me. I could feel heat rush rapidly to my cheeks. I strongly, suppressed the urge to completely deny his question. I raised my head and looked him flatly in the face, cheeks slightly flushed. He smirked in triumph. I have never wanted to clock him, but the urge was now suddenly there, though I would never hurt my savior. I turned my eyes to face in Lydia-san's direction. She was blushing as well. Though she was still and quiet, I felt as though she was waiting for an answer to this question as well. My heart started beating quicker.

Edgar-sama just happened to look at Lydia-san and saw the beautiful reaction on her face; I would say that jealousy overtook him. This time, I felt triumphant. He went to sweep her away. I couldn't take it anymore. I shouted loudly with slight confidence, _"Edgar-sama! Don't touch Lydia-san! I love her! She is and will always be mine!"_ seconds after my heartfelt decree, I felt the utter regret of someone not confident enough to stand up to his own rejection. My confidence went down just like weather during the changing of seasons.

I started to run away, yet something caught my hand. I turned my head, to see who was catching me. My eyes widened. It was a teary eyed Lydia-san. In shock I stopped, and asked her what was the matter. Sniffing and breathing harshly she said as she squeezed my hand _"The matter? The matter is that you just confessed, and then you ran away without waiting for an answer!"_ I was taken aback by her statement. _"Lydia-san I couldn't take the brunt of a rejection from one I love and hold so dearly."_ I said like a love struck child, who knew nothing. She blushed redder than her hair, and lips. I smiled and took her into my arms.

"Raven.. wait.." she said shyly. "Why? Do you dislike it?" I asked with more confidence that I had originally had. She seemed to be searching for an answer. She stopped struggling, and looked me straight in the face and stated point blank "Raven you make me nervous, and make my heart beat too fast!" she then moved in close to my face and proceeded to kiss me sweetly. I felt electricity pulse throughout my body, right up my spine.

I grasped her tighter. She giggled at me. _"What's so funny?"_ I asked. _"You're acting like a child, so innocent. I'm not the first person you've kissed am I?"_ she laughingly asked. Blushing I answered _"When I was a child I decided that I would only kiss someone that I love, and you're the first person that makes me feel this way." _

We both go quiet. Then Lydia-san began to kiss my face lightly all around and said _"You make me so happy Raven. You can't believe how much I care for you."_ I turn red yet again._ "Wanna bet?"_ I kiss her passionately.

Hopefully this happiness will never end.

**THE END? OR TBC!**

_Help me out give me some feedback._


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